AntlerBoyStudios offers a lively collection of colorful faces for empty wall spaces. Fetching acrylic-on-canvas portraits of mavericks and misfits are a-plenty, and the true life stories that accompany each character are guaranteed to boggle the mind and furrow the brow. Enjoy!
Meet Rock Jaw Jackson. His jowls are built like an ox, his chiseled chest is harder than a porcelain toilet and his tree-trunk thighs are more robust than a steel-encased fortress of brick. Ladies love him for his golden hair, uncanny wizardry in the sack, and a rear end as firm as a prize-winning bull moose. Unfortunately, these same women quickly bore of him after intercourse, for he’s dumber than a bag of hamsters and prefers gargling to cuddling.
Jimmy Spurlock is a former U.S. track and field star who is perhaps better known in present times for his dine-and-dash prowess at restaurants in and around the Ozark Mountains. After scarfing down his favorite meal—a wild boar burger topped with caramelized onions and tartar sauce—Jimmy is notorious for leaving an eatery or similar food establishment without paying by ripping off his 1988 Seoul Summer Olympics warmup pants and sprinting out the front door. A Ruby Tuesday maître d’ recently clocked Jimmy at 3.2 seconds, which is believed to be an Ozark Mountain record.
Internationally renowned taxidermist Solomon Schmuckles holds the world record for the fastest nighttime mounting of a life-size bobcat. A virtual living legend amongst his animal-stuffing peers, the ghoulish Mr. Schmuckles also holds several other distinguished taxidermy achievements, including: the first ever blindfolded mounting of a rainbow trout; the most thorough skinning of a Kodiak brown bear while juggling torches on a catamaran (in rough waters); and, most notably, the fastest one-handed stuffing of identical twin mountain sheep while concurrently playing Pop-A-Shot.
Silas Jasper is a Rhodes Scholar exterminator who previously researched health disparities in indigenous populations, a career path that took him to Peru. It was here that he stomped on his first bug and experienced an insect-epiphany—in short, he derived an orgasmic level of immense satisfaction simply from watching bugs writhe in pain. The very next morning, Silas returned to the States and took a job with Orkin, where he still works today. His preferred method for killing insects is a combination of precisely angled jiu-jitsu submission holds and high-pitched carnal screams of passion.
Franz Hinderwootzen is a womanizing Austrian sausage maker who relies on a homemade array of spicy ground meats to reel in the finest dames in town. Franz’s famous cuttlefish sausage surprise—a popular party snack amongst Vienna’s social elite—is often served with a tasty clamberry jam dip that drives the local lassies wild—as soon as they return from the restroom.